When Behaviour Is a Signal

Growing children with the skills and ways of living they need for life - and with hope for eternity with God

This blog was written after reading Lost At School by Ross W Greene. It is good to have research-based practice when supporting students in the classroom

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” - Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Before a child succeeds, struggles, complies or disrupts, that child is already known and valued by God. Psalm 139:13-16 places identity before achievement: God forms, sees and knows each life. That conviction should shape the way Christian educators interpret behaviour and respond to the child in front of them.

Christian education is about far more than delivering lessons or producing compliant classrooms. We are helping children grow into people who can regulate emotions, communicate needs, repair relationships, solve problems, make wise choices and serve others. We want them to flourish in learning and in life, and ultimately to know the God who created them and invites them into eternity with Him.

This eternal hope must be stated carefully. Children do not earn salvation through good behaviour or well-developed social skills. Salvation is God’s gift of grace. Yet Ephesians 2:8-10 holds grace and formation together: saved by grace, we are also created in Christ Jesus for good works. Our classrooms can therefore become places where identity is secured, character is formed, and children practise faithful ways of living.

Figure 1. A Christian pathway of formation: identity comes first, and skills grow within belonging, grace and hope.

The question beneath the behaviour

Ross W. Greene’s Lost at School challenges a familiar assumption: that children behave well when they want to and misbehave when they lack motivation. If that is our lens, the adult response is usually to make the child want to behave through rewards, punishments, warnings or escalating consequences.

Greene offers a more compassionate and productive starting point: “Kids do well if they can.” In other words, when a child repeatedly fails to meet an expectation, we should investigate what skill or unsolved problem is getting in the way. The child may know the rule and want to succeed, yet still struggle to shift between tasks, tolerate frustration, express a concern, consider outcomes, manage sensory load or find a workable solution.

This does not excuse harmful behaviour, remove boundaries or lower our duty to protect others. It changes what we do after we have made the situation safe. Instead of stopping at “What consequence fits?”, we ask, “What is making this expectation difficult, and what capacity needs to grow?”

Figure 2. Concerning behaviour is often the signal; the lagging skill and unsolved problem are the more useful targets for support.

A different lens changes our practice

The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model rests on three practical shifts:

·     From concentrating on the concerning behaviour to identifying the specific unsolved problem that reliably sets it in motion.

·     From adults imposing every solution to adults and children solving important problems together.

·     From reacting in the heat of the moment to working proactively, when everyone is regulated enough to think and speak.

These shifts are relationship-enhancing because they communicate, “You are not the problem. There is a problem we can understand and work on together.” They are also instructional. Just as we would not punish a child for being unable to divide before teaching division, we should be cautious about repeatedly punishing a child for a social, emotional or executive skill that has not yet developed.

Research on CPS is promising rather than a reason for simplistic claims. Randomised trials with young people experiencing oppositional behaviour have found CPS to be a credible treatment option, including outcomes comparable with established parent-management approaches. However, research evidence is not permission to apply a model mechanically. Good implementation still requires training, teamwork, cultural responsiveness, disability adjustments and careful attention to safety.

Name the unsolved problem without labelling the child

A useful unsolved problem is observable, neutral, specific and free of adult theories. It normally begins with the word “difficulty”. This keeps the conversation focused on the expectation the child is having trouble meeting rather than on a character judgement.

Less useful wording	More useful wording
Refuses to come inside and has a tantrum.	Difficulty returning to the classroom when the bell rings after second break.
Is lazy during writing.	Difficulty beginning independent story writing after the class model.
Is controlling in games.	Difficulty waiting for a turn during handball at lunchtime.
Cannot cope with change.	Difficulty moving from mathematics to specialist lessons on Tuesday mornings.

Specific language improves predictability. It helps the adults notice when, where and with whom the difficulty occurs, and it gives the child something concrete to discuss. When several problems are present, prioritise safety first, then consider frequency and impact. Split large concerns into manageable parts rather than trying to solve everything at once.

Three plans - and a place for each

CPS describes three ways an adult may respond to an unsolved problem. The aim is not to declare one plan morally good and the others bad. The aim is to choose deliberately rather than defaulting to power or reacting under pressure.

Plan	Adult choice	Best understood as	Important limitation or strength
A	Impose the adult solution.	A necessary option when an immediate safety or non-negotiable issue requires firm adult action.	Can stop an incident, but by itself may not reveal the concern, solve the recurring problem or teach the missing skill.
B	Solve the problem with the child.	The preferred proactive approach for durable problem-solving and skill development.	Takes time, listening and practice; the solution must address both sets of concerns.
C	Set the expectation aside for now.	Prioritisation, not giving in: some concerns are temporarily removed from the active list.	Reduces overload so the most urgent problems can be addressed first; the issue may need revisiting later.

Plan B: listen, share and invite

Proactive Plan B is best undertaken before the next predictable difficulty, not during a peak of distress. It has three ingredients.

Figure 3. The Plan B conversation places the child’s concern and the adult’s concern together before a solution is proposed.

1. The Empathy step

Begin with a neutral observation and an invitation: “I’ve noticed that it has been difficult to

come back into class when lunch ends. What’s up?” The goal is not to correct, persuade or solve yet. It is to understand what is making the expectation difficult from the child’s point of view.

Listen reflectively. Ask about who, what, where and when. Explore why the problem appears on some occasions but not others. Break a broad task into smaller parts. Summarise what you have heard and ask whether there is anything else. If the child says “I don’t know” or does not want to talk, avoid turning the conversation into another demand. You can say, “You don’t have to talk about it right now. I’m trying to understand, and we can come back to it.” Trust may need to be built before useful information emerges.

2. Define the adult concern

Once the child’s concern is clear, explain your concern without disguising a preferred solution as a concern. “My concern is that when we come in late, you miss the instructions and the rest of the class finds it difficult to settle.” A genuine concern explains how the unsolved problem affects the child, other people, learning or safety.

3. The Invitation step

Restate both concerns and invite ideas: “I wonder if there is a way for you to finish the conversation with your friend and still arrive in time to hear the instructions. Do you have any ideas?” The final solution should be realistic and mutually satisfactory, and it should have a reasonable chance of reducing the problem. It is an experiment, not a contract carved in stone. Agree on when to review it, notice what worked and adjust what did not.

What this looks like in a Christian classroom

A Christian approach to behaviour holds truth and grace together. Expectations matter because people matter. Safety, learning, responsibility and restitution remain important. But correction should never communicate that a child is a nuisance to be removed or a problem to be defeated.

The teacher’s posture becomes both firm and curious:

·     “You are made in God’s image and worthy of dignity.”

·     “Your actions affect other people, so we will make the situation safe and repair harm.”

·     “I will not reduce you to your hardest moment.”

·     “We will identify what is difficult and practise a wiser way forward.”

·     “You have a voice in solving problems, and you are also learning to hear the concerns of others.”

In this way, collaborative problem-solving is not permissiveness. It is discipleship-shaped teaching. It helps children grow in patience, self-control, empathy, responsibility, perseverance and peacemaking - capacities that matter in the classroom, family, workplace, church and community.

A practical starting point for schools

A whole-school shift begins with a small number of disciplined practices:

1.    Choose one student whose concerning behaviour is frequent and predictable, and bring together the adults who know the student well, including the family where appropriate.

2.    Use the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) as a discussion guide, not a diagnostic checklist or a label for the child.

3.    Write two or three specific unsolved problems beginning with “Difficulty…”. Remove challenging behaviour, blame and adult theories from the wording.

4.    Prioritise safety, frequency and impact. Place lower-priority expectations in Plan C for now so the team can focus.

5.    Schedule one proactive Plan B conversation. Record both concerns, the agreed solution and a date for review.

6.    Teach and practise the skill the child needs. Coordinate language and support across teachers and home without expecting perfect consistency from the child immediately.

7.    Review the pattern, not just the latest incident. Ask whether the unsolved problem is becoming less frequent, less intense or easier to repair.

A necessary safeguard

Collaborative problem-solving complements rather than replaces a school’s safeguarding, child-protection, anti-bullying, disability-adjustment and emergency procedures. Immediate danger requires immediate adult action. The proactive work comes when safety has been restored, and the recurring problem can be understood.

The long view: growing children, not merely controlling moments

Behaviour systems are often judged by whether they produce immediate compliance. Christian education must take a longer view. We are not only managing this transition, this refusal or this playground conflict. We are helping a child learn how to understand frustration, express a concern, consider another person, generate options, accept responsibility and try again.

That work can be slow and untidy. It requires calm adults, shared language, patient families and school leaders who support teachers rather than simply demanding fewer incidents. Yet it is profoundly hopeful work. When students are heard and held accountable within a relationship, they are less likely to see adults as adversaries and more likely to participate in their own growth.

Psalm 139 reminds us where to begin: the child before us is already seen by God. Our calling is to see more carefully too - beyond the behaviour to the fear, overload, lagging skill or unsolved problem beneath it. Then we teach. We listen. We set boundaries. We repair harm. We practise better ways of living.

We do this so children can be successful not only on the next worksheet or in the next lesson, but in the unfolding journey of life: able to learn, work, serve, love and contribute. Above all, we want them to know that their deepest identity and future are found not in flawless behaviour, but in the God who formed them, knows them, loves them and desires eternity with them.

References and further reading

1. Bible Gateway. (2011). Psalm 139 (New International Version). Read Psalm 139

2. Greene, R. W. (2014). Lost at school: Why our kids with behavioral challenges are falling through the cracks and how we can help them (rev. ed.). Scribner. Publisher information

3. Lives in the Balance. (n.d.). Collaborative & Proactive Solutions: Our solution. CPS overview

4. Lives in the Balance. (2023). Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) and CPS paperwork. ALSUP and CPS paperwork

5. Lives in the Balance. (2022). Plan B cheat sheet. Plan B cheat sheet

6. Murrihy, R. C., et al. (2023). Community-delivered Collaborative and Proactive Solutions and Parent Management Training for oppositional youth: A randomized trial. Behavior Therapy, 54(3), 400-417. PubMed record

7. Ollendick, T. H., et al. (2016). Parent management training and Collaborative & Proactive Solutions: A randomized control trial for oppositional youth. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 45(5), 591-604. PubMed record

8. Parliament of Australia, Parliamentary Library. (2024). Classroom disruption: Current perspectives and approaches. Research paper